I breast fed my daughter Anna Grace for about a month to a month and a half, and I regret stopping everyday. Here is my explanation for starting and stopping.
I knew even before I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to breast feed my children since it was the heathlest thing for them, but little did I know that it was so hard or so looked down upon. Anyways after I found out that I was pregnant I told everyone my plan and I don't think to many of them agreed with it at all, especially my now ex of course he thought everything was weird and never once touched my belly while I was preggers (but that's another story). I tried to be head strong and stick with my decision and even got my mom to go to a breast feeding class with me and she supported my decision even though it was different than the one she mad for my brother and I.
OK so fast forward to our hospital stay after birth... They bring me to my room after my Csection and finally bring Anna to me....at this point I know I need to feed her so of course I make everyone leave except my then husband. So I start with my first attempt at feeding her and all I got was comments about how gross it was from him and him asking when I was going to be done. However I just tried to ignore him and do what I had to do. The first night she stayed in the room with me and we did regular feedings, but the next night they took her to the nursery and were suppose to bring her back to nurse and they never did. She was out of the room for so long she should have been nursed atleast 2 times and when I woke up and realized it I freaked out and called the nurse to bring her to me asap! Anyways the best time was when the Lactation consultant come and told me I was doing a good job and that she was latching on correctly. I was at that pint in pain though so they gave me some things to go over my nipples to help. Later that day we went home.
After being at home my breast were so tender that I broke down into tears. My husband at the time was not good with crying and didn't know what to do...so I sent him after some formula because I just couldn't handle the pain. This was my second mistake and probably my biggest! I then new how easy formula was and she knew how good it was. :(
Anyways as days went by the pain went away, but along came another problem which I thought at the time was a supply problem, but I am not really sure now. I would feed her for an hour or more and she would not be full. I could have fed her constantly it seemed like. So I started feeding her for an hour and then giving her a bottle of formula after it and we could go longer between feeding. Which led to me experimenting and finding out that I could feed her the bottle only and she would be just as happy as when I would breast fed her and give her a bottle... I tried all kinds of things drank lots of water and blue power aide since its suppose to aid with production, but nothing really worked... I think a lot of it may have had to do with continuing the formula...making that my 3rd mistake.
Well then people insisted that we go out to eat and stuff so I took a bottle of formula with me, because I wasn't comfortable breast feeding in public (yet I was hoping to get a cover...) and him and his family were not comfortable with it either and were pretty open about it not being appropriate which made me even more uncomfortable with it. I tried the whole going to the bathroom thing, but it just wasn't comfortable and didn't work well for me. I also did not have privacy in the house and people would just walk in. You honestly would never know who was going to walk though the door. So I would go in our room and sit on the bed. Of course that didn't stop people from bothering me, especially when someone come over to see Anna. I would have maybe been feeding for 10 mins and knock knock...such and such is here to see Anna can you hurry up. I told them it took time and that I was sorry. I would finally have to wind up giving her a bottle because of the constant knock to see if we were done or not.
So about a month and a half of trying and continuing to fail I made the DUMBEST mistake of all. I gave up. :( I was tired of not being able to feed her without supplementing and tired of discouraging people. I was tired of not being included in things because I had to feed Anna. It really wasn't a big deal at first, but when I realized the milk was gone from my no longer engorged breast It broke my heart and still does to this day. I hate hearing well atleast you tried...lots of women can't. I could have done things different and not made those choices! I wish I could still breast feed her now....of course everyone would have had something to say if I was still breast feeding her at 19 months old.
I am from small town USA that does everything a certain way and anything different is weird and ridiculous! People there don't breast feed, baby wear, cloth diaper or anything like that. For example, my mom has told a lady that was visiting where she works for a tour that she couldn't breast feed sitting up there....everyone is like that there and they think of a woman breastfeeding as dirty.
I know now that if I ever have another child that we will be breast feeding and I will be investing in covers (only to make others comfy with it) so that I can feed her no matter where we are! I think it is sad how much breast are made to be sex symbols rather than breastfeeding (which is what they are made for!). I hope one day it will be more openly supported like it once was. :)
